Tricks of Universe

Last week something strange happened or I thought it would happen? I got to know that a certain person is in my city. I do not have any contact with him for more than three years. He had been blocked on all social sites by me, and I was relieved that even if he died I would not come to know. But the universe finds a way for me to tell that he is in town and within 100 meters of my exact office location(universe is perfect, I and he do not have no common friends, still). No worries, he cannot get into my office and I never go out during office hours so there will not be any chance of encounter. Then Universe plays another trick, and creates a situation where I had to go out during office hours to the location near the location where he will be(I for sure got to know he will be there). So with pounding heart I go out, catch a bus and go to near that place and be back, all the while anticipating an encounter. Oh well did it happen? No, this is how Universe works! But don't be disappointed, I had an equally unanticipated encounter meeting a person(who I would wish to go away from this world like woof.) in a place where never in my dreams I thought I would ever go or I would ever find someone. It was like what my friend said when I told her whole experience "What are the odds?"

PS: This post has been in drafts for two months

Where is the 'Good' in Goodbye?

I've never been good at Goodbyes, I always run out of words while parting away. How pleasantly people say ‘It was nice meeting you’, I can’t even remember to say this simple sentence.  Goodbyes make me sad, and leave me without words. No matter how carefully I choose the words I can never make any Goodbye sweet. There are times when I know that I will never meet the person again in my lifetime. Suddenly the world becomes an enormous pit, where people get lost. Things never come around and world is not small. Sure one can connect through internet and several other ways, but it never happens.  I want a few more talks to be exchanged before finally parting away. Or there are more than few talks, and more things to sort out and know and God only knows what. But I cannot hold the time, it moves on...

Infinite loop

I've been acting in every wrong way and I starve for pity/love from others for my bad condition. I've become of the lot who think if they will present themselves as lonely/sad/love-deprived they will receive consolation in return. This seems easiest way, to cry and beg for comfort. I do not want to earn the love, I just want it to be given as alms. When I do not receive a single glance of sympathy even when I've cried loudest, made myself feel miserable is every possible way, I feel I should go back to being normal, and expect nothing. But doesn't last long, I hold on for few hours, go on making happiness within, and then when I see things aren't going as I expected, again I fall back to the same pit of loneliness. 

The worst part is that I know my actions are wrong and I must at once amend them, create happiness around, still do not find courage to crawl out of the darkness. I find myself stuck in this infinite loop, like sinning and repenting and sinning again... someone insert a break condition, please!

The worst than worst part is I do not see any reason why I should feel/behave in a way I am. I've husband who is most loving and caring and better job from last year and a nice house to take care of, see lots of reasons to be happy, so why?